Never Let Go

My heart hurts tonight. I sit here, with two of my daughters asleep in the other room, wishing there were three here with me. I am grieving, dear friends. There are many tears rolling down my face and it is hard to even see the screen. Every day, Emily begins and ends with “I miss my Daddy and I miss my Natalie.” And I respond the same way, “I miss Daddy and Natalie so much too.” I am really missing my girl tonight. Maybe it is because Bryan is not here to hold me, comfort me and make me feel safe. Maybe it is because tomorrow will be 14 months and 12 days since I said goodbye to my beautiful red-headed, green-eyed daughter. Maybe it is because I am overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I am simply a grieving mom, wishing that my Natalie was still in my arms.

I have a new song that I have embraced. The chorus is so powerful, so perfect. Never Let Go. David Crowder Band sings this and I live it daily. I will never let go. I can’t. I will never let go of Natalie and my memories. I will never let go of my Lord, my savior that carries me daily through this struggle. I will never let go of the doctors and nurses that took care of Natalie, keeping her safe and helping her heal. I will never let go of my family and friends who waited so patiently for news at the hospital for five days. Our lives stood still and theirs did too. I will never let go of those that could not be with us, but prayed fervently this His will be done. I will never let go of those that brought meals, sent cards, and gave us smiles and well-wishes as we picked up the pieces of our broken hearts. And I will never let go of those that took care of Emily for those 5 days. How could I be in two places at once, with my daughter that was dying and my daughter that was so confused and scared? You helped so much. I could never repay that. I will never let go of my grief, it is now a part ofme. I will never let go of the blogging world that has embraced our family, following us, praying for us, laughing with us (do you remember the crayon story?!?) and crying with us.

I will never let go. Because you never let go. Thank you. My heart is broken tonight, but I know that You will be here to pick me up again. Ever faithful, ever true; You I know, You never let go.

“Never Let Go” by David Crowder Band
When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love

Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love

In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go

Good night all,
Love,
Hillary, Bryan, Emily, especially our angel baby Natalie, and Allison