Monday, May 12, 2008

Looking Up in the Downpour

Here it is. It is our new home. It is the home to find all the info about Emily, Natalie, Alie and Bryan and I. I am going to try to make it a comfy home, with all the comforts, tears, joys, hopes, fears, and life it can have. But first let me tell you how I came to this name.

A week ago Friday I was sitting in bible study. I was listening to Priscilla Shirer on our video talk about God's Voice revealing His plan. She spoke of Moses thinking he was the Prince of Egypt for 40 years then wandering the desert for 40 years. He first heard God when he was 80!! But he heard Him when he was in his "desert season". When life was hard, God was there. For me, it is not a desert, it is a rainstorm. It rained the day of Natalie's accident and it has rained alot since. Rain is the symbol of sadness, difficulty, sadness, tears. But it also signifies new life, spring, hope. With everything that has happened, the shock of Natalie's accident and death, it has really been a downpour. But even in the midst of this torrential rain (where are the tornados?!?) I have looked up more than ever. I feel closer to Him, feel His love for me more, and I am beginning to see what He has planned for me. I don't know all of the plan yet, but I know it involves Him. I have felt closer to God, understood His promise of hope more, and leaned on my faith more now then ever. I have picked up my bible more, found answers on bad days, and decided that I cannot do this without His help. I have looked up, looking for Him, knowing that He is the only way to see my Nat Nat again. He is my future and I am not giving that up. I know that I cannot find the answers I want by looking at the circumstance. He will give me that when I am ready for it.

Thank you to everyone who suggested names for our blog. We considered every one of them and felt this one fit best. It does describe where we are. It describes where we will go. And it describes our hope. We will Look Up, even in the downpour.

John 16:22 ~ So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. (NIV)

6 comments:

Katrina said...

Hey Hillary,
I am quite taken by suprise to be the first one to post a comment on your new site as I am so new to the whole blog thing:) I think the new name is perfect! I agree with you about how something can make you feel one way and then at other times make you feel completely different. I used to get upset when it would rain on a special day/event. But after having a conversation with my Nana before she passed away, about how she used to love to walk in the rain... all that has changed. Now when it "sprinkles on my parade," I glance up to Heaven and smile knowing that my Nana has made her presence known. I hope this site continues to be a source of strength and comfort for you as I know your journals are for me and so many others. Keep doing what you do best and know that there are tons of ears that are here to listen with hearts (and shoulders) to help you carry your burdens as we share in your grief and rejoice in your moments of happiness.
Your friend and "CM Cousin,"
Katrina

Kimberly said...

I have already added you to my reader and am about to link you to my blog. As you know, I think the name is perfect. I am so glad that you are sharing your journey with us.

Love ya!
Kimmie

Deb said...

I was a Babycenter August mom, and I've been following your journal ever since you started it. I can't tell you how many times I've cried for you and your family, and how many times your lovely tributes to Natalie have made me smile and appreciate all that this beautiful world has to offer. I look forward to keeping up with all of you!

Shannon said...

HI!! As you know I love the new site name! I love you girl!!
Shannon

Anonymous said...

Hillary, it's a great name for your blog. You are indeed on a journey, marked by rain and gloom at times, but also by sun and smiles, and always the joy of the Lord even when things aren't happy. We're looking forward to taking the journey with you in the coming posts.

Love, Mom and Dad

Christy said...

Hillary, this is a great title for you blog! I love reading your blog entries, they inspire me to be a better person. You have been through so much, and yet, your faith is everlasting...it's very much an inspiration to me. I look forward to continuing on this journey with you here...I don't post comments very often, because I feel like I don't know what to say or how to put it in words, but I'm here...praying for you and your family!
Love and hugs to you and yours,
Christy Jackson (CMC in VB)