The good, bad, and in between

Oh my, what an interesting 2 weeks. It has been up and down and even a bit sideways. And I am doing my best to look up.
On Sunday, July 13th, my sister and brother-in-law received the phone call that they have been waiting for over 2 years. Their adoption agency called to say, “We have a baby for you”. Music to their ears!! Sweet Anna Kathryn will be a part of our family soon. And I am so excited. I am excited at the thought of being an aunt, a real aunt. I am excited that Emily will have a younger cousin to play with. And I am excited that Anna Kathryn and Alie will be a mere 10 months apart in age. They will play so well together and I cannot wait. The most special part of this story…Anna Kathryn and Natalie will have something in common as well. I have wanted there to be something between them and it is such a neat thing. Anna and Nat share a date. The day that Anna Kathryn was discovered in a basket at an orphanage was the very day that we were celebrating Natalie’s life. November 3rd was a bad day here for our family as we held Natalie’s service to celebrate her life. November 3rd is Anna Kathryn’s birthday. Coincidence? I think not! I have a feeling that our sweet Nat and our faithful Lord were having a chat that day, trying to figure out how to dry some of our tears. I think they decided together that Anna Kathryn was the perfect way to cheer us up. And I cannot wait to meet her. It will be 2-5 months before she comes home and we all are anxiously awaiting that day. It will be so good, so refreshing.

Then I received some tragic news the very next day. Friends of my parents were contacted by a family that had just lost their son, a 21 month old baby, to a pool accident. The family is devestated. We are devestated for them. As I heard their story, my heart broke for them. We were there just 8 months earlier. We lived those moments. We felt each emotion they were now feeling. And we are praying so desperately for them to find peace in this horrible situation. I do not know this family personally, although I do know their names. I know that some of the events surrounding his accident are similar to ours. I know that their family has some similarities to ours. I know that their sweet boy was born just 2 months after Natalie’s birth. And I pray desperately that we are able to help guide them through these moments. They are so difficult, so devestating, so draining, and so overwhelming. But, here I sit, 9 months later, seeing that tears still flow readily but so do smiles. I know that I am terrified for tomorrow yet I cannot wait for it to be revealed to me. I know that God has a plan, we will prosper in Him, and He will guide us through. I pray that this family knows this and can live by this as it will get them through the next days and months. Today is 2 weeks since they celebrated the life of their son. I realized shortly after I heard their story that my last post was on the day they said goodbye. My heart was breaking that day. I spent a lot of time praying, reading my bible, and asking for help to see me through. I now wonder if I was grieving for this family as well. To this family…if you are reading this post…please feel free to contact me. I would love to hear all the wonderful memories you have of your sweet baby boy. I am happy to share all I can with you. We are still grieving, but I know that there is comfort is sharing our story. I hope you find this as well.

Since these two events, I have been up and down. One moment I am excited at the impending arrivals of Alie and Anna Kathryn. The next moment I am remembering my baby girl and wishing she were here and excited about Alie with Emily. So here I sit, in my chair, trying to figure out what is next. I feel like I am in limbo…stuck between grief and exciting anticipation. I feel like I am in a desert…wandering, able to see the oasis but not yet able to get there. I know that on Monday we will know the date of Alie’s arrival. I am so excited, yet so scared as well. I am praying HARD for a smooth transition, a safe delivery, acceptance of Alie by Emily, and comfort as we embark on this new journey. I am fearful of the emotions that may return. And I hope that I am able to share all of Natalie with Alie.

That is about it for now…we are holding on. We are living through this, daily, together and managing to hang in.

Good night all,
Love,
Hillary, Bryan, Emily, our angel baby Natalie and Alie