She visited me last night. It was an amazing dream. I loved every minute, every moment that I held Natalie. I loved every conversation I had with her. I did not want to wake.
About 1 week ago, I realized something that was very difficult to accept. I had just joined facebook and reconnected with my best friend from elementary school when we lived in Kentucky. I am so happy to have found her and we already have plans to meet up at christmas. When my sister was directing me to her profile, she described it by using her name listed (she is married now) and the picture on her profile. It is a picture of her 3 beautiful blond babies! They are not really all babies, but you get the idea. I found it, was looking at her kiddos, and I realized that this is a picture that I will not have. I cannot take a picture with all three of my children in it together. I am having a hard time grasping that there is no way for me to make this happen. I can put things of Natalie's in the picture, I could photoshop Nat in or Alie into a picture, but we wil never have all three girls in front of a photographer fighting to get them to smile all at the same time. I have cried over this revelation. I am sure the emotion is a combination of the truth, my hormones, and the time of the year. But wow...I was floored by this. Bryan calmly hugged me and told me that we would do our best to get all three girls in a picture together. He tried...but the truth is still there.
So back to my visit with my girl. I was holding Natalie and Bryan walks into the room with Emily and Alie. That's right, in my dream I had all three girls together. It was amazing! Of course what do I do...pull out the camera! We took lots of pictures of the three girls and I woke up right after this. There is a piece of me that wishes it was real. That the picture of my three children was real. This morning, I am happy. I held and loved on my girl. I go to take the picture of my dreams in my dreams. I was able to share Alie with Natalie. We had another moment together as a family. It was a good dream. And I have now seen a glimpse of what is to come. One day, I will get to have all of us together...and I will get my picture.